4) Read Victoria’s comment below for more ideas about soliciting buy-in and participation from the parties/lawyers during the process and the necessary element of observation;

5) Ask for feedback from the parties/lawyers. As I have blogged about before, I have a short form I use at the end of a mediation (that is also great for collecting testimonials); and

5) Commit to attending an advanced training course every year.

And, because the power of belief is so important, affirm to yourself that you are capable and talented! With a willing mind, heart and spirit go forth and serve the people you are mediating with to the very best of your ability (and commit to continuous learning and growth).

NEVER GIVE UP!

Kristina Haymes

Victoria Pynchon’s comment:
vpynchon Says:
January 9th, 2008 at 10:04 am e
The people who study skill development tell us that practicing your skills without observation, self-reflective follow-up or solicitation of constructive criticism does not improve our skills. It just keeps reinforcing what we’re doing wrong (and we’re ALL doing SOMETHING wrong, i.e., ineffective).

Here are some of the ways I follow-up mediations to insure that I am in a constant process of skill-development instead of flaw-reinforcement.

1. I ask the parties what I could have done in addition or more effectively.

a. I no longer wait until after the mediation to do this.

b. I often pull the attorneys aside and say, “I don’t seem to be creating any movement with” i.e., “your client” or “the other side. Is there anything you think I should be doing that I’m not?”

c. I have also directly said to parties — “I know you want to settle this case and I believe we’re in a reasonable range — yet you’ve stopped taking the movements necessary to close the deal. Is there something I’m missing? or failing to do for you?”

2. The immediate mediation post-mortem. There’s never a time when I leave a mediation without asking myself what I could have done better or differently.

a. Sometimes I call colleagues and share these second-thoughts, asking for constructive feed-back.

b. Sometimes I go back to my office and call counsel for the parties asking whether they, i.e., would have liked me to make a mediator’s proposal or — more open-endedly — what I might have done that I didn’t to bring the parties closer together.

c. I often write a self-reflective journal entries about the mediation (a habit from my LL.M studies). Many of these post-mortem’s find their way into my blog or in an article for publication — with facts changed to protect the confidentiality of the proceedings. This serves the dual purpose of finding flaws in my own process AND providing me with marketing material, i.e., “content” for publication.

As I grow in my practice, I find it much easier to ask for assistance from the attorneys. I tell them we are a team and we should strategize together. That they know the case at depth and I know only its surface. When they are drawn into the process in this way they are invaluable allies in the process. I also find it much easier to admit that I haven’t been as effective as I wish I could have been. Earlier, I was frankly afraid that if I asked for feedback I’d be told I was just AWFUL — and I didn’t think I could continue putting myself out there day after day, learning this new skill-set like a 2 year old learning how to walk. Now that I have some confidence, i.e., now that I’m toddling, I find I can ask for feedback on how my walking’s doing. Sometimes I actually run and . . . oh so rarely . . . but you always know it when it happens, I am FLYING!!

You nail THE MOST IMPORTANT ABILITY TO IMPROVEMENT — being willing to acknowledge that you’re not 100% great (SUCH a relief, by the way) and then choose those areas of your weakness to work on.

Thanks Kristina!

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